Bond without finesse

By Dr. Michael Lim The Travelling Gourmet

A ravishing Romanian lady told me Daniel Craig can play the role of a hired thug, but not as Commander James Bond, 007, Royal Navy and MI6/SIS Intelligence Officer. I saw Casino Royale, and there is no argument that Daniel Craig is a good actor who is a good sprinter too from his running scenes. What makes him unsuitable as Bond is his face, which to put it in a politically correct manner is aesthetically challenged. He has the wrinkles of a 50 year old in the body of a 38 year old. There are deep permanent frown lines between his eyes. He has big elephant ears and his neck is too short so in the scene of him in the Bahamas doing his version of Ursula Andress coming out of the sea a la Dr. No (1962), he looks like a turtle. Also his enthusisatic weight lifting has made him look grotesque as if he is on steroids. Daniel also has a very bad habit of pouting and sticking out his lower lip in a very unpleasant manner.

The best Bond is undoubtedly Sean Connery who had the presence and "X" factor only seen in Mafia Godfathers and real life high ranking Spooks (Intelligence Officers). Daniel Craig at 5 feet 11 inches tall is also the shortest actor to play Bond to date.

There are also quite a few glaring errors in the movie. For example, MI6 is not the Security Service as seen on the laptop screen, but rather the Secret Intelligence Service or SIS. At the start of the film, Bond half drowns his target in a wash basin in a public toilet, and FAILS to check if his target is really dead which is unprofessional. The target revives to try to kill him but his quick reflexes save his life and he opens fire with one hand. Here is the error, because I presume the Director wanted him to shoot that way to look stylish for artistic reasons. However, anyone who has been trained to handle weapons like pistols and other small arms would never fire with one hand (unless the other hand is badly injured). Professionals use the two hand grip with a Weaver stance. Also in the Embassy shootout in Madagscar, Bond shoots on the run. It is an old FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation) maxim to never shoot on the move simply because when you fire from an unstable platform, your chances of hitting the target are very low.

Bond played by Craig also has a very bad attitude to food and wine, and tells the waiter when asked if he wants his Vodka Martini shaken or stirred, "Does it look like I care?" To be true to Ian Fleming’s creation, Bond is always the knowledgeable gourmet and wine connoisseur. My friend, Patrick Glendinning who fought communist terrorists in the jungles of Malaya with the 7th Gurkha Rifles during the Emergency told me once, "When we were on leave in Singapore, we stayed in Raffles and lived like KINGS! You see we never knew whether we would be alive or dead the next minute when we were in the jungle." People like Bond who kill or be killed and are in high risk jobs tend to be somewhat hedonistic in nature. The authentic Bond would never say "Does it look like I care?" or when asked about the lamb, reply "Skewered." He would know how the lamb was prepared and what sauce came with it. In addition, when Bond requested for Champagne from room service, he merely said, "Bollinger Grande Annee." Another glaring error. Why? Simply because every Bollinger La Grand Annee has a year of vintage. I know because I am a wine connoisseur and international wine judge, and I have personally visited the Bollinger Champagne Maison in France.

This Bond is also too emotional. The true Bond is very cold and cool under fire as all professionals in this line of work have to be to stay alive. Meanwhile, I am going to have caviar from Azerbaijan with my Vodka Martini shaken not stirred, and personally, I prefer Stolichnaya Vodka from Russia. Nazdorovya! Dr. Michael Lim The Travelling Gourmet